I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
