I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
