Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
