I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
