Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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