I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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