good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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