At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
