Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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