if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
