the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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