he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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