It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want her autograph on my taint
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
