And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
