True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
