Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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