I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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