glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
