i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
