just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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