i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
