i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
