i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
