I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I party with great urgency now.
God, I missed his penis.
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