Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
