I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
