eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
