We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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