He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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