I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
