the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
