Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
