No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
