I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
