i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
