If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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