So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
