You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my nose is crying tears of wow.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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