yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
