This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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