I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
