yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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