My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
