im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
