Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
