It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
