I'm drive I can fine osifer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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