never play flip cup with pint glasses
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?