She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party