I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot