Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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