So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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