is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
