Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
