come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
