she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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