Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
