gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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