Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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