It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize