It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
