its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
