It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
