Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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