i think my tv is drunk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
