from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
