It's Friday. Sex?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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