Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
