Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
