You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
