it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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