His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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