I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
