capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
