i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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