Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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