She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You pole danced in your parka.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize