ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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